ape dos mil

dear you

all it would have taken you was two seconds. "get well soon". thats all it would have taken. i get that you get a lot of messages on a daily basis, a lot of them over the past few days have been from friends of mine, even my wife sent you message asking you for a measly two seconds from your day to say three words to me. but you only reply to people who call your wife names or make nasty comments about your son, or other celebs. it feels like you forgot the people that put you where you are

i could be mistaken, but you havent proved me to be wrong yet. even when i met you last in march after paying a shit ton for tickets to see your band, travelled for hours and stood around having only been out of hospital for two months and on my fucking birthday, you looked at me, saw i was wearing a hoodie from your clothing range that was a limited edition and probably the only one in england, you grinned a look of "more money in my bank account". i cant even calculate the amount of money i have spent on your bands merchandise and you clothing line. am i really only a dollar sign to you? feels like it

you have no idea how much you hurt me and you know why? because i never sent you message after message after message bitching at you and calling you names. i probably would have got a reaction from you that way so maybe i should have. but i wont because i'm bigger than that. i'm not some teenage girl that wants to sleep with you, i'm a twenty seven year old married father of two kids. my son is only a month and a half older than yours. knowing your history i always thought that you'd understand me and what i'm going through. i've tried to commit suicide to, before you did even. i get judged the same way you do. we're so alike and yet so very different at the same time

i know you'll never see this letter, but it felt good to write it. i dont know why, but it felt nice to write this down just incase you did see it

your fan, even though you treat me like a cunt
me