i am the shit

i'm awesome. i am the funniest man you are ever going to meet. i will make you really happy and i'll make you love your life as much as i love mine. i will make you want to be around me 24 hours a day 7 days a week. i dont want to hear about your problems though because my own health is more important to me, but if this puts you off we can work around it, just know that i want you to completely ignore me when i have a problem because it'll just be something trivial that i can handle on my own. what am i saying?! i dont have problems, i'm sane and i'm healthy! secretly, i'm really loud, i just pretend to be quiet and i promise you that i NEVER make inappropriate jokes or cuss. i'm poor, so i never spend any money on anyone and i never remember important dates like birthdays. i'm very unloyal and i screw everyone over. i can see why you want to be my friend

i'm also a liar