one small step for man

learning to walk was probably the most challenging thing physically that i've ever had to do and i had to do it twice

sure, it was easy enough first time around, i was really young and everyone else was doing it, i just felt like i was missing out. so i did it and after that i pretty much wanted to sit down all the time instead because it was tiring and i was always unwell and low on energy. but hey, i could do it if i wanted to. then i learned how much fun i could have if i ran around, so i did it. i did that on and off for a few years. there were the lazy times and the times when i was too drugged up to move, but i could still walk or run if i wanted to. i could even ride a bike or a skateboard or this sweet pair of rollerblades that i had. i was really good at all that shit. then i hit twenty five years of age and it was all taken away from me in the most bizarre of ways

i was at work when it happened. i'd spent all those years walking and running around like a maniac and it all ended because i was standing still. one minute i was standing still talking to someone and holding her son who i was working with at the time, the next minute, i'm flat on my back holding him as close to my chest as possible to stop him getting hurt. he jumped up and ran to his mum and i tried to get up but i couldnt move my right leg. i looked at it and saw that my knee cap, which should have been ontop of my knee, was at the back of my knee. not only had it dislocated violently, but it had pushed itself to the wrong side of my leg

i was rushed to hospital and told it would take me years to learn to walk again. my dad met me at the hospital and for the first time i cried my eyes out. i screamed in agony as my knee cap was pulled and pushed back to its rightful position only for it to do the same thing twice more. i was told i'd be in a wheelchair for a few months while all my tendons and ligaments fused together again. i'd have to have a full cylinder cast that went from my ankle to my hip to stop me movin my leg and i'd have to have major surgery to replace my knee cap. my then girlfriend had moved out by this time and although i knew she'd left me, it wasnt official and i was still clinging to a hope that she'd come and look after me

she never came back

she called me one day just after my cast was removed and said that she was living with another man and that i should continue fucking aimie as i had been. i didnt know where that accusation had come from, i'd never cheated. the woman was a bitch and in the four years we'd been together, only the first year had been a happy one. she fell pregnant and miscarried and blamed me for it. after that things changed. she started beating me whenever she felt like it. a few punches and kicks from a girl were no problem, but she used a weapon. she was a police officer, she had a solid metal baton that she used on me. she cracked my ribs, chipped bones in my arms and legs and covered my body with bruises. to this day i'm still amazed i've been able to father two children with my wife. sex didnt stop, for her at least. for three years, i never finished, not with her and not on my own. she didnt take too kindly to me masturbating, so i didnt

the night she broke up with me, aimie came to visit me. i told her everything and one thing lead to another. we had sex on my sofa and i remembered everything i'd missed out on because i'd been to scared of a little woman to dump her and move on. aimie helped me through some really rough times. eventually the cast was removed and my knee cap was set in place. however, i'd lost all the muscle in my leg. i had one regular sized leg and one that was half the other's size. i was distraught. back in my wheelchair once again until the muscle had built up enough for me to move onto crutches. it was still estimated that i wouldnt be walking without walking aids for another two years.

three months later i was back at work, walking unaided