thinking is not good for the brain. fact

i've come to realise that there are very few people in my life that are not completely self involved. i seem to attract people that dont actually give a fuck about me. at first i thought it was an isolated incident, but now it would appear that having people around that do care about me is the real abnormality. i get the fact that i'm hard work, it doesnt need to be drilled into me

people can say whatever it is they want to say about me to make themselves feel better about being the ones that fucked up. i dont fucking care anymore. its not the first time and i doubt it'll be the last. you're all just jumping on the bandwagon at this point. it started with one girl when i was seventeen. she told a fucking huge lie about me to make herself feel better about what she'd gotten herself into. nobody can ever understand what that felt like and nobody will ever make up bullshit that hurt and continues to hurt as much as what she did to me

i dont care about you anymore, but you're still fucking with my head

there are people in my world, past, present and no doubt in the future that do not understand how my brain works. i dont understand it myself so i cant expect anyone else to get it. my world is not an easy one to live in and people find their way out as quickly as possible when i start to have my problems. i cant even count on both hands how many people have come into my life and bailed straight away. some of my closest friends couldnt even handle it and needed to get out. they lied their way out and continue to lie to get back in. but i wont let them

i say things all the time that are general messages. sometimes they are aimied at people from my past, some are aimed at my sister, most are aimed at myself and people decide to climb up their arses and claim its all about them. unless i attach a name to it, its not fucking about you. there are people that think every single word i say is about them and feel the need to apologise when its "too late". it makes me laugh that they think everything i do revolves around them. fuck off. the only people my world revolves around is my wife and children. once you learn that, then we'll be fine

basically, fuck you