stand a little too tall, say a little too much

october 22nd. just an oridnary day for most of you. hannah likes this day because she first saw her boy's live on october 22nd 2008. i was at that gig too, but i couldnt see hannah. october 22nd 2008 was an important day for me too, but not for the same reason

october 22nd 2007. sat in a hospital room, sick to my stomach and on the verge of a huge breakdown. well, relapse into a huge breakdown i should say. i'd just been told that i'd done so much damage to my knee that i'd never walk again. the cast i'd had put on my leg to try and fix everything hadnt worked. the cast was removed and my life changed dramatically once again. all i could think as i sat there alone was how i wished my suicide attempt hadnt failed. my girlfriend at the time had moved out and didnt even call me that day to wish me luck. she left me a week later saying that being with someone in a wheelchair was too much stress

that night, i sat in my lounge and stared at the first line of cocaine i'd cut in five years. there was enough to have killed me. the only reason it didnt happen was because aimie just happened to stop by to check on me. she saved me. i couldnt handle the idea of never walking again, wanted to end it all. but she stopped me

i was determined to prove the doctors wrong. i started physiotherapy two weeks later and it hurt so much that it did reduce me to tears every single time. i lashed out at the physiotherapists, in the end they had to give me a female because i kept attacking the male ones they gave me. i often questioned whether or not it was worth it. after three long, painful months, i was walking again. my doctors didnt know what to say

i was still on crutches when i met kay. between her and aimie i got off the crutches, another thing i was told wouldnt happen. yeah, the doctors saw i was out of the chair and said "thats your lot though". now i only need my crutches if i have to walk a long distance or stand for a long time. i've set myself a goal though and i aim to reach it. saturday february 5th 2010. i'm going to see all time low that night, i have standing tickets and i WILL be using them, without my crutches. if you see me there, come and say hi