here is a leaf, i just turned it over

its weird, but since talking to ginger (as brief as it was), everything seems different. i told him a while ago that he's helped me with that one comment he made and he said he was glad

if only all the people i looked up to could have been so caring

i've felt really down the last few weeks, i felt abondoned by those i idolised. people can never really tell what their actions do for other people. ignore me and i feel like you dont care, say even one tiny word to me and it makes me feel priveledged that you've taken a few seconds out of your day to say somehting to me

i have the body of a full grown adult, but the mind of a child sometimes. i cant help it, but i am getting better at coping with it. my wife and my best friend are an amazing support to me. my son makes everything worth fighting for and soon i'll have my daughter there too. there are a few other people to thank too, they'll probably never see this but i know its here. ginger, lee, ian, travis, bill, ethan, andy, mix, syirin... you restored my faith which is odd cos i'm atheist and have no faith...

there are others, and those that i love know who they are. they are the ones i want to talk to every day, they are the ones i joke with, they are the ones that got me through the shit i went through, they are the ones that are always there

i dont have a very good track record with friends, i keep the ones i make very close and try to not let them go