lost in stereo

sometimes there are people and things that are just too much to handle. right now i'm feeling claustrophobic even though the room i'm in is huge

my wife is an amazing person. she means more to me than anyone or anything else in this world. nobody will ever be able to change that. nothing anyway can say or do will ever alter my feelings for her in a negative way. she is the perfect wife and the perfect mum to our babies. she doesnt need ANYBODY to tell her how to raise our babies or how she should deal with me. she knows exactly what she is doing. she doesnt need anyone to tell her how she feels or how she should be feeling, she feels how she feels, not how you want or expect her to. she is my wife, i am her husband. that will never change. nobody will ever replace her. yeah, fine, we have an unconventional relationship that often includes my best friend too, but that doesnt change the fact that kay is the only woman that i have ever loved the way i love her. and just because aimie is more than just our friend doesnt mean anyone else will EVER be invited into our relationship. i have known aimie since i was twelve, no friend will ever come close to comparing to aimie. similarly, nobody has a chance of ever coming close to colleen, she is my sister and although she's not my real sister, she means the absolute world to me

i may not set my boundaries tight enough, but there are always people coming into my life and interfering. if they're not telling me what to do, they're telling kay how to be a wife and mother or telling aimie she shouldnt be as close as she is. guess what, its not up to anyone else but us what goes on in our lives. OUR lives

too claustrophobic, i need to run until my legs wont carry me anymore, but even that might not be far enough. i need to escape from myself sometimes, just get away and think it all through. for all the good stuff that goes on, the bad stuff cant help but take over and it gets too much for me. i crumple like a piece of paper, except i've crumped so many times that i'm too creased to flatten out and stay upright

i may need to take a few days away now. i'm getting married in a couple of weeks and i need to be healthy in every way for it. i know we're already married and i've said it a million times, we're getting remarried because our wedding was rushed and happened the day before i had heart surgery that could have killed me. i want kay's day to be perfect, she has her dress, i have my tux, i dont want to be ill that day

until next time